April 4, 2004

Rev. Henry Ticknor
Unitarian Universalist Church of the Shenandoah Valley

If It’s Daylight Saving Time…
Why Am I Feeling So Spent?

Now one of the fun parts of being a minister, and there really are some fun parts, is the luxury of time for reading and study. So this week I spent a few minutes reading about the spring ritual of setting our clocks ahead one hour. To those who notice such things, I apologize that in the latest church newsletter I referred to this annual occurrence as Savings, that’s Saving with an “s”, because that’s what I have always thought it was called— Savings time. As with so many other things in life, in my advancing years I have, as it were, seen the light, and I now stand corrected and will forever refer to this annual event by its proper name. Well, perhaps not forever, but at least until I am done with this sermon.

So, where did this oddball idea of moving our clocks ahead in the spring and back in the fall originate? Before the establishment of standard time zones the time of day was a local matter and most cities and towns used some form of local solar time. For these localities a prominent and public timepiece such as a clock on the church steeple or town hall maintained the “official” time.

The need of the railroads to establish and keep train schedules eventually led to our present day system of time zones and on November 18, 1883, the United Sates and Canada adopted standard time.

Now not everyone was pleased with this new system. The city of Detroit kept its own local time until 1900 when the City Council decreed that the clocks should be put back 28 minutes to central time. Half the city obeyed, half refused, the decision was rescinded and the city reverted to sun time. It was not until 1905 that the city council again voted and this time adopted central time.

Surely, most of us take time change with a grain of salt. But like everything it can arouse strong feelings. One commentator stated that, “[On the night the clocks are set back] Supposing some unfortunate lady was confined with twins and one child was born 10 minutes before 1 o’clock…the time of birth of the two children would be reversed…Such an alteration might conceivably affect the property and inheritance of the children.”

My favorite, though, was this, “I don’t really care how time is reckoned so long as there is some agreement about it, but I object to being told that I am saving when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind. I even object to the implication that I am wasting something valuable if I stay in bed after the sun has risen. As an admirer of moonlight I resent the bossy insistence of those who want to reduce my time for enjoying it. At the back of the saving scheme I detect the bony, blue fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy and wise in spite of themselves.” (Robertson Davies, The Diary of Samuel Marchbanks, 1947,XIX, Sunday)

So, there you have more than you ever really wanted to know about Daylight Saving Time.

Now, back to the sermon. Have you noticed how many people respond to the question, “How are you?” with a quick, “Fine” followed by a sigh and these words, “I’m fine, but I am so busy. I’m exhausted.” Or if we ask another, “How is your family?” we hear, “Oh, we’re fine I suppose, but we are all so busy…busy at school, busy with sports, busy with church, busy with the community association, busy with work.” It seems as if we are all very, very busy and correspondingly very, very tired.

Recently, I have been feeling exhausted. Not just tired the way one feels after a hard day at work, or after strenuous physical labor, but to the bone fatigued. In spite of feeling so tired, I haven’t been sleeping very well and I have had this nagging feeling of anxiety that there was something I wasn’t doing, or should be doing, or could be doing. I found myself unable to enjoy simple relaxing tasks such as reading, working outside, exercising, because of this overpowering sense that there were other, more urgent things I ought to be doing. I suppose I felt a little like the proverbial hamster running and running on its wheel, yet going nowhere. I was feeling as busy as I have ever been; yet my energies seemed to be getting me nowhere. During this time, I’m sure if you had asked me, “How are you doing?” my reply would have been, “Fine. Lately, I just seem to be so busy.”

So last week I took some time to try and find the source of this anxiety. Here is what I found.

Just over eleven years ago I began training for the ministry. At first, I was working full time and going to school at night. I started with one course per semester but that quickly became two and soon I was adding courses in the summer to try and keep even with the full-time students. During this time I found myself looking ahead to retiring from my position with the public schools so that I could complete a full-time ministerial internship at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Arlington, Virginia. The week my internship ended I began my training as a hospital chaplain at Georgetown University Hospital. Next, I had about a month and a half to finish studying for the Ministerial Fellowship Committee, which is the group that credentials new ministers in our movement.

Now the Ministerial Fellowship Committee, or MFC as it is known, is a formidable group at has the power to admit or deny a candidate into our ministry. There is terrific pressure on each candidate to succeed as this experience comes at the end of several years of expensive training. The committee has the power to vote you in or out.

Now I will save my story of the details of my meeting with the MFC for another sermon for it is an amazing story of fortunes lost and found, but here I want to describe just one exchange I had with a questioner on the committee.

This is the question I was asked. “Henry, you have been very busy these past few years, do you see yourself as driven to succeed?” Driven to succeed? Up to that moment I had never considered myself to be “driven’ about anything. After all, I was a child of the sixties, I was mellow and laid back and everything was cool. As today’s youth might say I considered myself a master of the art of “just chillin.”

But the question lingered in the air, “Henry, do you see yourself as driven to succeed?” I probably answered “no” and the questioners moved on.

Once the committee is finished with its one hour interview, the candidate is sequestered until called back to hear the decision of the MFC. When I came back in I was stunned at what I was told. The spokesperson for the committee said, “We believe that you have all of the gifts for your ministry and we wish you the very best. However,” at times like this isn’t there always a “however” “However, we believe that there should be more time between your previous career and beginning your ministry, so we are recommending that you complete another unit of chaplaincy before seeking your first church. You need a break.”

Didn’t they know that I had worked so hard to get where I was because I felt that powerful sense of being called into ministry? How could they hold nine years of hard work against me? Driven? Me? Don’t be ridiculous.

Well, I completed another unit of CPE at Georgetown and a year ago was welcomed into ministry at the General Assembly in Boston. A couple of weeks later I was called to be your minister and just last September I began to serve this wonderful church community. Life has been good.

But the question begs to be asked, “If life is so good, why am I so tired?” Well, here is my answer. For the past ten years I have been anticipating the next project, the next exam, the next requirement, the next assignment, the next step on my journey to ministry. Never totally content with where I was, I found myself always anticipating the next challenge. For ten years I was impatient with life. Never content with the here and now, I had my mind and my energies on what had to be done next.

“Henry, do you see yourself as driven to succeed?” they asked. Well, now that you mention it, perhaps I have been and perhaps that it why I am so tired.

During the winter months I believe that subconsciously, I had been gearing up to undertake the next challenge in my preparation for ministry. Gearing up to clear one more hurdle. Gearing up for the next assignment whatever that might be. Finally, I came to realize that over the past few years I conditioned myself to never fully relax. I was indeed driven by the fear that if I sat down long enough I might never get up and get back to work. Driven? I guess that questioner was more perceptive about me than I had been about myself. Driven? I am guilty as charged. Driven? It’s going to take some time for me to integrate this new self-awareness. As the saying goes, “Who knew?”

Like me, over the past few years I think this congregation has been driven to succeed. From the first days of the capital campaign for the new building this congregation has been fixated on its future. Each step of the process, selecting the design, finding the contractor, suffering through countless weather related delays, overcoming unexpected obstacles such as the need to upgrade the power supply, making decisions on the interior finishes, each step has been geared toward our future. In addition, during this time the congregation made the decision to call a new minister. Undertaken individually either of these steps would have put a major strain on the resources of this community. Taken together, it’s a wonder we still in one piece and I would argue stronger than ever.

As we look forward to our move next month, I urge everyone to take the time to reflect on the events that have brought us this far. To take the time to be mindful of what has been accomplished. To take the time to be thankful for the leaders of this church whose visions have been driven this congregation to achieve its goals.

And to take the time to say your good-byes to this space, to these grounds, to these windows. To take the time to appreciate this community and to think of ways to ensure that the vitality, the energy and the spirit of this place comes with us when we move.

Our opening words this morning began, “We come together this morning to remind one another to rest for a moment on the forming edge of our lives, to resist the headlong tumble into the next moment…” What great advice; yet, how easily ignored.

The UU minister Richard Gilbert has written:

There are times when we feel overwhelmed by being,
We are on a treadmill walking hurriedly, going nowhere;
The images of our lives fly past us as on a movie screen,
The hands of the clock we see actually moving—too quickly.

At such times we need to gather ourselves together,
Slacken our pace,
Blank out the screen,
Ignore the clock.

Then we can remind ourselves that we are in charge of our lives,
That it is we who dictate the pace,
We who can choose to stop the rapidly moving screen,
That we can set the rhythm of our own lives.

What a radical notion that it is we who can dictate the pace of our lives; that it is we who can set the rhythm of our own lives; that we are the architects of the life we design for ourselves.

Thich Nhat Hanh, writing in the Miracle of Mindfulness reminds of of the importance of slowing down, of being more aware, of enjoying life in the here and now. In a section of the book titled “Eating a Tangerine” he tells us this story.

“I remember a number of years ago, when and friend, Jim, and I were first traveling together in the United States, we sat under a tree and shared a tangerine. He began to talk about what we would be doing in the future. Whenever we thought about a project that seemed attractive or inspiring, Jim became so immersed in it that he literally forgot about what he was doing in the present. He popped a section of tangerine in his mouth and, before he had begun chewing it, he had another slice ready to pop into his mouth. He was hardly aware he was eating a tangerine. All I had to say was, “You ought to eat the tangerine section you’ve already taken.” Jim was startled into realizing what he was doing.

It was as if he hadn’t been eating the tangerine at all. If he had been eating anything, he had been eating his future plans.”

So it has been in my life…rather than focusing on the present I have been off somewhere in the future. Not here but there. Not now but when. Focused on dessert before I have eaten my appetizer.

I’m not very good at practicing mindfulness though I know people who are. In the fall I spoke about making time for ourselves; and now I realize the importance of heading that advice for myself. “Every day and every hour,” continues Hanh, “one should practice mindfulness. That’s easy to say, but to carry it out in practice is not. That’s why I suggest to those who come to the meditation sessions that each person should try hard to reserve one day out of the week to devote entirely to the practice of mindfulness. In principle, of course, every day should be your day, and every hour your hour. But the fact is that very few of us have reached such a point. We have the impression that our family, place of work, and society rob us of our time…. Whatever our tasks, let us resolve to do them slowly and with ease, in mindfulness. Don’t do any task just to get it over with. Resolve to do each task in a relaxed way, with all your attention, not starting a new one until the first is finished.”

Driven? I suppose I am. If I permit myself use the extra hours of light that come with Saving time as a time to renew my spirit; then next fall I won’t feel so spent. If I learn to enjoy a tangerine one slice at a time, I will learn to let my future story unfold for itself.

If I remind myself to rest for a moment on the forming edge of my life, to resist the headlong tumble into the next moment, then I will be Saving my spirit and not spending it.

Amen